Balance vs. Sacrifice

Wow! It has been too long! I almost don’t know how to coordinate my mind and fingers to create a decent sentence. I forgot how much I love updating this labor of love blog of mine. It is currently 2am, my youngest son is lying next to me on the couch and I just got done working. If you didn’t know I am now a Vantel Pearls Consultant.  My official start date was 3/28 so after one month on the job I am beginning to get the hang of things. I’ve made a couple boo-boos but my customers have THANKFULLY been incredibly gracious, kind and unbelievably supportive. In this short time I’ve made friendships that I know will last me a lifetime. It blows my mind! It is the most fun job I’ve ever had (coming from a chubby girl that used to scoop ice cream for a living in college, that’s saying something!). It’s so much more than the oysters, pearls and jewelry. I am striving to build a supportive community and it is phenomenally strong already!

Before joining Vantel I was struggling with so many conflicting emotions. When I had to return to work after having my first son I literally cried every single day. I was resentful and hated the fact that I couldn’t be home with him. When my husband and I made the crazy change to cash in our retirement and start a business 2 states away I thought I’d finally have what I wanted. We were poor, yes. But we were also blissfully happy. After having my second son I began to feel like I was losing my identity. I became “Colt & Jack’s mommy.” I also wanted to contribute financially but if I returned to work it would end up costing more than I’d make. I remember telling my husband that I just felt stuck. That’s a lonely feeling.

Fast forward to today and there’s a whole new variety of emotions on the menu. I’m so insanely grateful and I can’t stop smiling. I LOVE what I do. I believe I have the coolest job ever! But with this amazing job comes a balancing act that I can’t seem to master. I still have two little ones that need me. I have a husband that I love that I hardly get to speak to anymore. I have my health and well being and finally this fantastic opportunity with Vantel. I’m feeling like I need to chip away pieces of me just to make it through the day. My kids aren’t getting ALL of me. My husband isn’t getting the wife he needs and deserves. I have to struggle to remember when I showered and if I worked out at all this week and my customers haven’t gotten to see me functioning at 100%. I know it’s possible to juggle this all, but for ONCE can we admit that it’s not easy? Can we stop pretending that now and then we don’t have a good cry in the shower because we’re spread so thin?

I refuse to step in front of the camera on my parties and portray an image that isn’t me. I’m imperfect, forgetful, stressed, anxious, funny, weird and the first to admit I don’t have it together. I don’t know that there will be a day where I take a deep breath and feel that I have things under control. I can tell you one thing for sure – it’s a heck of a lot easier to let you see my imperfections than to add a Stepford persona to my already insane to-do list.

Am I blessed and lucky to be in this position? 110% YESSSS!!! But blessings don’t always come easy. Admitting that things are hard isn’t being ungrateful…. I’m grateful despite the hardships. But the more we break down these walls and begin to talk about these struggles, the more we can understand that those lonely feelings aren’t something we need to experience alone.

I don’t know if any of this blog made sense. It doesn’t feel cohesive but I think my brain finally convinced my body to hang it up for the day. Until I find time to meet you here again… it’s been fun!

 

This is my part of my amazing job:

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